discussion of sexuality, physicalness, comfort zones, and boundaries, for lack of a better word. touches on consent/consent issues and just jumps right into discussion of misogyny and double standards. cool story bro abides here
I think that the biggest problem I had with all of that is that I’ve been consistently surrounded by people I felt safe around. For god’s sake, my roommate and I can walk around each other in just boxers (well- and a bikini top over here) and I feel safe, unthreatened, and like the only touching I will receive is that which I am comfortable with and invite. And that’s even casual touching like hugs or a hand on the shoulder. All of my friends, I am very physically open with, and yet they all respect when I am being physically closed. They are decent human beings.
I’ve been surrounded by that, so it’s very shocking to encounter someone who doesn’t make me feel safe, especially someone who is introduced as a friend. For a minute, I was mad at the guy that brought him, but then I realized that guys don’t usually have to think about these things. Most of them don’t have much context. Obviously many do, but it’s not a thing usually at the forefront of someone’s mind. Especially when they introduce someone to a friend that they know is promiscuous.
For me and I’m sure most people, though, promiscuous is not a thing that means “has sex with everyone.” For me, it just means that I’m emotionally able to fuck people and be done with them and do it about as often as I want. It doesn’t mean I’ll fuck everyone that buys me a sandwich (and, a point: buying someone a sandwich entitles you to; another sandwich, the cost of the sandwich, or another item of equal or lesser value. not sex). People don’t really question this with men. Women are called “grenades” or “coyote ugly” and so on. While it’s a joke that some dudes will fuck anything with legs, pretty much everyone thinks of people that most dudes wouldn’t fuck. That can include oneself, as is the case often.
So, in that same vein, promiscuous women (called hos, sluts, etc. - clearly they’re on the same level as people who are paid for sex - how awful, etc. /eyeroll) can have standards. If a guy refuses a woman’s advances and she ignores it, she’s considered desperate, oblivious - it’s a bad reflection on her. If a woman tries to refuse sex from a man, though, wow, fridgid bitch, she lead him on, again, bad reflection on her. Can’t win for losing, etc. Clearly she doesn’t like sex, or else she’d have had it with him, right?
So that’s where I am right now. I kicked a guy out of my room for being an aggressive pig, giving off really uncomfortable vibes. I dunno. I wanted to make this longer, but I have to leave for work.
I’m just very glad to still be surrounded by people I consider safe. I told the guy who brought him, and that guy didn’t even question it. He only apologized and said that he must not have known him that well. I consider myself amazingly fortunate to have friends who support me.